WINDOWS

Windows are used to view beauty, monitor for danger, cool or warm a room as well as multiple other uses. A window provides a sort of snapshot as to what us going on inside or outside of a building.  A person can act as a window. Early in my work, by simply observing the behavior of a child, much like looking through a window,  I could get a good sense as to what was going on within a family or within a home. Observing the behavior of an employee can be like looking into the window of a business. In a very real way, we are all walking, breathing windows providing the world with a view of what is going on in our homes and relationships. What is the world seeing through your window?

INCONVENIENCE OR GIFT

Our perspective in any given situation can make all the difference. I've heard people complain that with new technology we are burdened with the sights and sounds of suffering from around the world. We are immediately brought to the site of horrific disasters. True, modern technology does make many of the images and sounds of the worlds suffering quite accessible instantaneously. It also makes life changing and monumental moments in history available for us all to be witnesses. Though many complain about the negatives and the horrors, I stand in awe of the amazing and beautiful sites and sounds of this life made available to us via technology. "This ole world we're living in sure is hard to beat, with every Rose you get a thorn, but ain't those Roses sweet?"

FLAG ON THE PLAY

I enjoy this time of year when the evening air takes on a coolness or crispness. It reminds me that here in the United States, we are in the middle of football season. No, not soccer, but oblong, pig skinned, Hiesman trophied football. As I watched games today, my attention was drawn to the referees. Dressed in black and white striped shirts, they are right in the middle of every situation monitoring for rules violations in an attempt to ensure fair play. When there is a violation, the referee blows his whistle and throws a yellow flag into the air alerting everyone concerned that a violation has occurred. The rule violation is articulated and an appropriate penalty imposed. How would we fair if a 'life referee' followed us all day long? We are rude to a server in a restaurant ... whistle blows, flag is thrown and a penalty is imposed upon us for our behavior. We raise our voice to our spouse or with the children ... whistle blows, flag is thrown, penalty imposed. If you had a 'life referee' today, how many flags would have been thrown? How much would you have been penalized for rude or inappropriate behavior today? How fair do you play the game of life? There may not be a 'life referee' following you around (at least that you can see) but you will and are paying a price for violating rules in the game of life. Lets play fair. Lets be a little kinder, a little more patient, a little more giving and reduce the penalties in our game of life. We and everyone else around us will be better for it!

YOU'RE NOT IMMUNE

I frequently caution my children and clients to be careful about with whom they spend their time. There is a basic law of our existence as human beings that states, we become what we think about most and persistently expose ourselves to. As human beings, we tolerate and become accustomed to that which we are exposed to over time. We become like, in behavior, thought and deed, the people with whom we spend the most time. Hang around negative and critical people and you will become negative and critical. Spend a lot of time with upbeat and optimistic people and you become upbeat and optimistic. While doing research for my doctorate I studied and interviewed prominent motivational speakers at the time. Can you guess with what kind of people they spent most of their time? They preferred and sought out the company of positive, upbeat and motivated people. So often we create our own misery because we think that we are immune to the laws of human behavior. I offer this counsel and warning; if you're not living the life you desire, take a look around. With whom are you spending your time? It may explain a great deal. Consider this, vice is a monster of so frightful mien as to be hated needs only to be seen; yet seen too oft, familiar with her face, we first endure, then pity, then embrace. 

GUILT

“Guilt is like table salt. A pinch makes the soup taste great, but a spoonful makes it too salty.

A little guilt makes us reliable, truthful, law abiding, and honorable. Too much guilt makes us hate ourselves and resent others.

Use a pinch of guilt, not a spoonful.”

ADVANCED CIVILIZATION?

Modern technology has made our world smaller and smaller. There was a time in our history when it took weeks for news of world events to reach the general populace. Today, news of world events are received almost instantaneously. In fact, modern technology has literally made us witnesses to major world events. There is so much information available to us now that there are even people and organizations that process the information for us, tell us what it means, and even tell us how we should feel about it. I find it unsettling that the more we allow someone else to process information for us, the less time we spend actually thinking for ourselves. How dangerous is that!? When we no longer think for ourselves, we are so easily lead and 'mislead'! All of the amazing tools, technology and information available to us today should make us an extraordinarily advanced civilization. Instead, given the way we are utilizing all if this, I think we risk becoming the best informed society to ever die of ignorance. 

THANK YOU

Did someone help you today? Did someone assist you, a store clerk, a server in a restaurant,  an employee, a family member, a spouse? Did someone show you kindness? Did you have opportunities to express your appreciation to someone today... but you didn't? Do you assume that the people around you know that you appreciate what they do? Genuinely show or express your appreciation. It's a proper and powerful way to impact the world around you. 

Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone. 

SOME LIFE LESSONS

When we are no longer able to change our situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. Here are ten life lessons that may be if some help. 

 1. Being happy is not about what we achieve. 

 2. We are all doing our best.

 3. We have to know and respect our deal breakers.

 4. Other people's actions aren't about us.

 5. We need to trust our intuition.

 6. All the studying in the world will never be enough. 

 7. Face the scary stuff.

 8. Accept that life and people are inconsistent. 

 9. We can be our own best friend.

10. We are enough. 

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

A national storage company in the United States uses the slogan, "We'll treat your stuff like its our stuff." Before I entrust them with my "stuff", I want to see just how they actually treat their "stuff". For several years in my work I accompanied Social Workers on visits to homes in the community where families and individuals  were having various challenges. I've seen how many people treat their "stuff"! I must say, that a lot of people don't take very good care of or treat their "stuff" very well. A national restaurant chain uses the slogan, "We treat you like family." What if I came from a dysfunctional or abusive family? Would that slogan be very inviting to me? The words we use have meaning based on our life's experience. If we don't have a shared life experience then the same words could have very different meanings. "I'll be there in a minute." To some people that means I'll be there in 60 seconds or less. To other people, that means I'll be there in ten or fifteen minutes. I've come to learn that a key to effective communication is this, "The meaning of the communication is the response you get!" This may be different from the one you intended. There are no failures in communication, only responses or feedback. If you're not getting the response you intended, do something different. It's not their responsibility to figure out what you mean. It's your responsibility to ensure they understand what you intended. How about this slogan, "We stand behind everything we sell." That's a little frightening. 

MINDFULNESS OR APPRECIATION?

I've written previously about 'Living in the Moment' and 'Mindfulness'. It is a way to greatly reduce stress in your life as well as cultivate greater joy. It also brings your mind into focus in a way that grants you full access to all of your natural abilities as well as your, experience, education and training. For some, the steps to bring the mind back into the present moment seem too cumbersome or they feel they wouldn't be able to do it. There is another way to the state of mindfulness that applies all the steps but in a natural, almost effortless, way. The way? Wherever you are right now, whatever you're doing, take a moment and look around. Find something to appreciate. It doesn't matter what it is, - the pattern the light makes as it falls across the floor or ground, the sound of the wind in the trees or the air coming through the ventilation that provides coolness. The act of appreciating brings your attention to where you are right now. Even briefly pondering things you appreciate in your present environment activates the mind and your thoughts to take stock of the elements... what you see, hear and feel regarding the thing appreciated. Now, ... there you are... present, mindful, thankful... appreciating. 

I THOUGHT I KNEW BEST

Some years ago, my wife taught me the fine art of making a peanut butter and jelly (PB&J) sandwich.  Up until that time, I thought I knew how to make a PB&J sandwich. One simply selects two slices of bread, spread peanut butter liberally on one slice and spread jelly on the other slice. Put the two slices together and there you have it. Oh Contrar! Here is how she taught me to make the sandwich. Take the two slices of bread and spread peanut butter on both, then spread jelly on one of the slices on top of the peanut butter. Put the slices together (you're not finished yet). With the bread slices together there is a slight gap between the slices all around the circumference of the sandwich. You carefully fill this gap with peanut butter. I thought that was a lot of unnecessary work for a simple PB&J sandwich. She then explained, with peanut butter on both slices of bread, the  bread doesn't become soggy from the jelly. By filling in the gap around the edge of the sandwich, jelly doesn't ooze out and make a mess. 

I thought I knew how to make a PB&J sandwich, and I did. But my wife showed me an even better way. There may be something you feel you do very well. Maybe it could be done even better. Be willing to learn, humble enough to listen, and curious enough to ask questions. 

FLY OR BEE?

A honeybee is attracted to flowers. A housefly is attracted to trash. There tends to be two kinds of people in life. There are people who look for and find the goodness in others. Then there are those who seem to automatically look for and identify the flaws in people. What is your natural tendency? What kind of person are you?  You can BEE the person who is a blessing and inspiration to others. You can also FLY into a negative inventory with everyone you meet and pull them down and impede their progress as well as your own. 

PROBLEM? HANDLE IT!

If your sofa rips open and a spring is sticking out, you either have to fix the sofa or replace it with a new one. If you don’t, the spring can cause injuries to you or your family and friends. Either fix the spring or get rid of the sofa. The same thing goes for relationships. If you have a relationship with someone and see problems developing, it would be a good idea to talk about the problem, try to find a resolution.  If you still can’t fix it, maybe it’s time to replace the sofa so no more injuries are caused by something broken.

WHAT SHAPE ARE YOU?

There are three kinds of surfaces.

Things stay on a plane surface for some time and then go away after a while. Convex Surfaces do not collect anything. You put them in the rain outside and everything

slips off of them; they remain dry. Concave surfaces collect whatever falls on them. If you leave a concave surface like a saucer outside in the rain, it will be full of water. Some people are like convex surfaces. Whatever problem comes, it slides off of them and they remain dry. People complain about their insensitivity. On the other hand, some people are concave. They collect problems, even the smallest ones. They are like a plate collecting rainwater and they do not let the water go. The water stays until it stagnates. They keep on worrying about whatever they collected. They have a habit of collecting the negative things that happen to them and they don’t let it go, so they become negative and wallow in complaints.

Do not be insensitive to others’ needs like a convex surface. Do not collect stinking water like a concave surface. Instead, be more like a plane surface: decide what should stay with you and what should not.”

AN UNCUT DIAMOND

When we begin a new relationship, it's like finding an uncut diamond. It looks like a common piece of glass. If you toss it into the garbage, it will become part of the garbage. How much the diamond radiates and sparkles depends on how much genuine effort and time goes into cutting and polishing it. 

Your new neighbor, new girl or boyfriend, new spouse or child is an uncut diamond. How these relationships grow or progress depends on how much time, thought and effort you have put into them. Be attentive, continue polishing your relationships and they will sparkle. Diamond cutters examine and then see the potential beauty within the raw stone. Now with clear expectations of what the diamond can be, the diamond cutter makes it so. It's similar with people and relationships. People, especially young people and children, will live up to or down to our expectations of them. 

BE THERE!

When asked by a newspaper reporter to explain his theory of relativity for the public, Albert Einstein replied that one minute a man spends kissing his girlfriend will pass much faster than if he had to spend the same length of time sitting atop a hot stove. 

We have all had experiences that have proven Einstein's theory to be accurate. When we are doing something we enjoy, we experience time distortion. Time seems to pass quickly. Conversely, when engaged in something we don't particularly care for, time is definitely distorted in that even ten minutes can feel like hours! How then can we use Einstein's theory to our advantage? One way is through practicing and cultivating mindfulness. Mindfulness is simply being totally present in what you are doing. It's when we are truly absorbed in what we're doing, in the moment, time seems to pass quickly. Suppose you must wash dishes and you never like washing dishes. Apply mindfulness.  Be totally in the experience. Tell yourself, "for the next fifteen minutes I'm going to wash the dishes. There is no other place I need to be, nothing else I need to be doing right now." Then as you turn on the water to begin, direct your attention to what you can hear at that moment while washing dishes, i.e. the sound of the water running, water splashing in the sink, squeaky sound of a clean plate, sound of your breathing, etc. Next, focus your attention on what you can feel, i.e. the temperature of the water, smooth silky feeling of a clean plate, the texture of the dish cloth and the dish washing liquid, the soap bubbles, etc. Then shift your attention to what you see, i.e. the colors reflected in the soap bubbles, the change in appearance of your hands the longer they are in the water, a glistening clean plate, etc. Continue to redirect your attention to what you can see, hear and feel in the moment. This mindfulness approach places and keeps us in the present moment. When truly in the present moment, time feels like it passes ever so much more quickly. Apply these simple principles of mindfulness in everything you do. Start simple, but start. Your joy for life, even when engaged in unpleasant responsibilities, will steadily increase. The Rock band 'The Who' stated it simply this way, "No matter where you go, there you are." Be where you are, absorbed fully in the moment. Unpleasant or dreaded activities will become more tolerable and then actually pleasant. Originally pleasant activities will become even more rich and enjoyable.  Where are you right now? BE THERE!

NO SECOND CHANCE

Throughout our lives we are given many second chances. If we get speeding tickets while driving, instead of immediately loosing our license we get a second chance in the form of traffic school. Fail an exam in school, often one is given the opportunity to retake the exam or retake the course. One area where we are often denied a second chance is when we have been unkind toward another person. Often when traveling or vacationing we may be unkind to someone. It may be a server in a diner, a person at a hotel, someone at a theme park, just about anywhere. These are people we will most likely never encounter again in our life.  The result is no second chance to be kind. I recommend making kindness a daily habit. Be kind in every situation and toward everyone you encounter. Being kind cultivates happiness and a greater sense of fulfillment in our lives and allows us to avoid the regret that comes with no second chance. If a family member, friend, coworker or anyone in your life should die unexpectedly and your last interaction with them was unkind, what torment you will carry the remainder of your days. To restate simply, I recommend kindness. 

A SOAP DISPENSER

There are soap dispensers on the wall in restrooms. Press the plunger and it provides just enough liquid soap to wash your hands. A defective soap dispenser drips soap on the floor and drips and pours too much soap on your hands. Defective soap dispensers are thrown away. We should be like a good soap dispenser with our suggestions, advice and criticisms. Keep them to yourself unless asked. Don't keep leaking soap and telling people what they should do. They will discard you if your advice leaks out. Be exact with your advice when asked. Don't overflow and dribble your suggestions all over others precious time. People don't like to hear lectures about what they are doing wrong or how to live their lives. 

I REALLY DON'T KNOW

This morning I started my day quite early with a trip to Walmart at 4:00 am. It was the only time I had to make the necessary purchases. When I pulled into the mostly vacant Walmart parking lot, I selected a parking space near the store entrance. After parking my vehicle, I opened the door to exit and there on the ground near my car was a nice dinner spoon and a formal looking cloth napkin. I thought,"what would these obviously very expensive items be doing in a Walmart parking lot?" I then imagined a handsome couple who had been to a formal dinner and kept a spoon and napkin as a souvenir.  They needed something and since it was so late in the evening, they went to Walmart. Something sparked an argument and one of them, in frustration and anger, tossed the items out the car window. No, probably not. Perhaps it was an employee of a catering company who had just worked a large formal dinner. Yeah, that's it. He comes from very humble means and took the items so he would have something nice for himself at home. He stopped by Walmart to pick up something on the way home. He started thinking about what he had done... stealing. The guilt got to him and he discarded the items in the parking lot. No, that's not likely. Oh, I know, maybe it was a family who had been to dinner at a nice restaurant. One of the children took the spoon and napkin  unbeknown to his parents as an act of rebellion. The family stopped by Walmart on the way home and the parents purchased a new iPhone   for the kid that he had really been wanting. Realizing their parents really did listen to them and love then, they dropped the spoon and napkin in the parking lot as they got back into the car. They did not want to create a scene at home or disappoint their parents. 

I then got to thinking, I really have no idea how the spoon and napkin got there. So often in our lives we create unnecessary stress for ourselves because we try to draw conclusions on something based on information we don't have. We can reduce a great deal of stress, trouble and conflict in our lives if we will simply be honest in those moments and admit to ourselves, "I really don't know,"

IMPOSSIBLE?

I have the privilege of spending time everyday with my youngest grandchild.  I've watched this busy one year old as she is confronted with challenges and obstacles. I enjoy watching as this new little mind attempts to solve problems. She is so creative in her approaches and I began pondering this intriguing demonstration. It then occurred to me that she has yet to learn the concept of impossible. Because of this, her thinking is unlimited. Have we allowed the concept of impossible to limit our thinking, our problem solving? What would happen if we removed the concept  from our thinking?

Where would I possibly find enough leather with which to cover the surface of the earth? Yet wearing leather, just on the soles of my shoes is equivalent to covering the earth with it. 

WHAT'S THE MEANING?

Words are the tools that allow us to express and share ideas. An idea can be the genesis if a new invention or the trigger that over throughs a government. In recent years there has been increasing emphasis on 'political correctness'. It is essentially a process of redefining words and restricting the use of other words. It would be well for all of us to remember that the basic tool for the manipulation of reality is the manipulation of words. If you can control the meaning of words, you can control the people who must use the words. 

INSTANT REPLAY

While watching college football games today, I was intrigued with the use of 'instant replay' by the referees to clarify what happened during a particular play in the game. This 'instant replay' allows the referees to review the same play from several different camera angles. Viewing the play from different perspectives allows the officials to determine the accuracy of a referees call on the field in disputed plays, was it a touchdown, was it a penalty? The use of 'instant replay' has reduced the level of uncertainty and inaccuracy in official play calls during games. 

We each possess an amazing ability in the function of our mind/brain. We too can replay events in our mind. All too often we replay unpleasant events in our mind from only our perspective and feel increasingly frustrated, sad, angry, etc. Consider using your mind to employ 'instant replay' in your life. Replay the event in question in your mind from several different angles / perspectives. For example, if you had an argument with someone you have probably replayed the event in your mind several times from your perspective.  Now replay it again as if you were looking over the other persons shoulder at you during the argument. See you, hear your own voice. Notice your voice tone, cadence, words, etc. Experience the event from their perspective. Then replay the event again as if you were standing to the side and can see and hear you and the other person. You could then add replaying the event from above it looking down. Create a view from several different angles if you like. The use of these 'instant replays' can make you aware of information or input you initially missed. This new information could totally change your view of the experience or event. 

6 HONEST SERVANTS

One time when I was working in a place with people who were the way we've all seen, I saw a person do that thing in exactly the place you wouldn't expect and it made everyone feel the same. It reminded me of the movie where the people were in a far off land and a disastrous event began unexpected and the other people weren't prepared so the small group was trapped and threatened by the conditions. We've all had that unpleasant experience in a special place when we were having a specific strong emotion and the same people seemed to always be involved. It caused the same thoughts and feelings very similar to what we recently felt in a similar situation. 

As you have most likely discovered by now, the preceding sentences were saying nothing. It was content free writing. We are often exposed to content free speaking and writing, by politicians, salesmen, and advertisers. Content free talk causes our mind to detect an information vacuum. The natural response of our mind is to fill the void or vacuum with our own information and experiences. Content free messages are often used to mislead, deceive or confuse. Be aware of such attempts. When listening to any message you can ensure validity and clarity by using the 6 honest servants of clear communication. With any message ask yourself ; Who, What, When, Where, Why and How. When used to present information, or to clarify information they ensure true communication takes place. We should be able to answer all six questions, if not, reassess, reevaluate, or beware. 

THE MAGIC OF ACCEPTANCE AND APPROVAL

What type of people are you going to meet on the road of life? Will they be happy people who will add to the happiness of your life, or will they be weary, rather run down miserable people who will tend to drag down your life? Would you like to have everyone that comes into your life happy and lift you up with joy? There's a simple way to do it. All it takes is to convey acceptance and a word of approval. I don't mean insincere praise, I mean real, sincere, deep down approval. This is done in action that doesn't take more than thirty seconds to accomplish. We convey acceptance by providing the universal sign of acceptance, a smile. We add to this extended eye contact. That is eye contact for three seconds or more. When two people make extended eye contact, it creates a feeling of connection and acceptance in both people. Then follow this with approval. Approval is something that must be heard. Approval is conveyed simply by making a compliment about the person that is true. The compliment could be about something in their appearance, behavior, speech, etc. 

Determine that you are going to be an instrument for good in your world by conveying acceptance and approval to everyone you encounter in your life day to day. It makes life fun and much more enjoyable. 

VOICE OR ECHO?

Are you a voice or an echo? It seems that with the vast increases in human knowledge and with the amazing inventions by which knowledge is disseminated and spread around, we're all in danger of just becoming plain parrots, the echo of someone else's opinion. From the daily news reports, movies, television, books and the Internet  come voices of other people telling us what we should think, telling us how to live or what to believe. My greatest desire for you is that you think for yourself. Take the ideas you hear, read or see, and consider them for yourself. Determine what you honestly think and even generate your own ideas. Be your own voice, not someone else's echo.

WHO IS HOLDING YOU BACK?

When you were younger did you have great dreams, great ambitions to write or paint, or to start a business, or to do some other creative work? Most of us did. In fact, if we are completely honest with ourselves, most of us still cherish these ambitions to this very day, but we excuse ourselves because of our job, our age, our 'situation',etc. The reality being we have created an excuse and accepted it as fact. This so called fact has kept us from pursuing our dream. What are the cherished dreams that remain unfulfilled and locked deep within you? What are the excuses you've used to prevent you from fulfilling you're dream? See those excuses for what they really are, excuses! Resolve to express your creative desire through creative activity. Don't deny the world, or yourself, the impact you could have on others or the joy you could experience. Remember, ultimately, you are the only person who can hold you back. 

INSPIRING EXAMPLES ALL AROUND US

When I was young I lived in a very small house with my four older brothers, three older sister, my mother and my father. Life was challenging and we didn't have much in the way of material things. My father was unable to provide the full support needed for this large family. I know this must have weighed heavily upon his heart. My mother, in her forties, determined she would make a way to provide for us. This mother of eight arose to the challenge. With her faith, determination, love of her children, and great courage, she went to college and became a school teacher. She sacrificed much, worked extraordinarily hard, leaned on her parents a bit, and succeeded. All of us children will forever be grateful to her for what she did. As the years pass, I remain inspired by my mother and her story. It's been said that history repeats itself. I am witness to the truth of that statement. My youngest daughter has had a most challenging life this past year. She gave birth to a little girl one year ago. She had not planned to be a mother so soon nor was she prepared to be one. The babies father has been of little, if any help, so my daughter has navigated this new life pretty much on her own. As parents, we have been there for her, but she has not dropped the parenting of her daughter on us. I have been so impressed at the amazing mother she is to her daughter. She displays a patience, love and parenting skills I never dreamed would come from her. Realizing that she is going to have to be the one to provide a good life for her daughter, she has worked very hard and prepared the way to go to a professional school. Tomorrow she will begin her education, full time, to become a Dental Assistant. She will do this while continuing to work her daily job as a gymnastics coach. As I've watched her doing what needs to be done to move forward and provide for her little family, I've often thought of my mother. My siblings and I have all been richly blessed because of our amazing mother and her example. I am now privileged to witness once again, an amazing mother in the person of my daughter.  With sacrifice, courage, hard work, and leaning on her parents a bit, she, like my mother, will make a better life for her family. 

There are inspiring stories and examples all around us. May we all become familiar with them and draw strength and inspiration for our own lives. You never know, like me, you may find some of those within your own family.